This from Naraya spoke to me:
NOW more than ever is the time to radically dedicate ourselves to our INNER WORK, face our shadows, with utter respect, self-love, compassion release remaining woundedness, trauma, negativity, toxicity, attachments, entities, dark agreements, ego fixations, false identities, notions, roles, names, games …
let’em go, let’em go, let’em go
forgive, forgive, forgive
meditate, meditate, meditate
Things that we read or hear sometimes resonate with where we are. I certainly feel the need to focus on, to do the ‘inner work’. There is a sense of urgency. I suppose that I could just get on with it and work on stuff without talking about it but that’s not where I am. What I am becomes part of my outer as well as my inner dialogue and, well, you don’t have to give a crap, but I’m writing about it on Facebook because inner work and inner dialogue has to be externalised somehow. Certainly I feel a pressure to externalise it. And sometimes it helps having an audience, real or imagined as we speak from the stage or platform that social media gives us.
We don’t know who we are speaking to. Sometimes writing on FB is like speaking from a stage to a darkened auditorium. Don’t know who’s there, don’t know if anybody’s there. It’s quiet. Usually it’s quiet, sometimes there’s some applause, sometimes someone makes a comment, but for the most part it’s quiet. That’s good. Anyone’s welcome to join me on the stage when I speak, but I’m okay with monologue. Used to it.
I’m not talking politically or philosophically now. I’m not doing ‘sad fishing’ or whatever put-down phrase the young people are using now. My life is good and happy, probably a lot better than I deserve but tonight I choose to talk from the inside. Perhaps it’s going to be crap, perhaps is going to help us have a real dialogue, either way, I’m going to talk a bit, until it’s time to go to bed. Stream of consciousness stuff – not planned at all – and I’m pouring myself another portion of whiskey. A new practice (not habit) but not to worry, it only a little to make the water more interesting.
Now, where was I ..
Reflecting, personally, speaking personally. I think we need to do this because the way the world is pretty crap. Not so much for me. I’m 66 and have a decent home, a liveable income, a family that makes me feel loved and appreciated and no significant disabilities. But there is a climate emergency, the environment is a mess and there are tens of thousands nukes on the planet and shitty politicians are planning to bomb, and already bombing, the crap out of innocent people for God knows what reasons and people are sleeping on the streets and begging and kids are killing each other and no one seems to care. No one seems to understand that there is a need to change everything. Everything, inside and out. I suppose that good people think that they can’t do anything about it all, so what’s the good of talking.
“Are you okay Gavin?” I hear someone ask.
I’m not OK.
You’re not OK
The world’s not OK
But that’s OK if we can take that as our starting point.
” …a warrior starts off with the CERTAINTY that his spirit is off balance; then by living in full control and awareness, but without hurry or compulsion, he does his ultimate best to gain this balance”
I am surely certain that my spirit is off balance. It has always been off balance. But I’ve not been doing my ‘ultimate best’ to gain balance. I’ve never done this and I’m pretty sure that the vast majority of people in the world haven’t either and the pretence that THIS is okay bothers me.
I think THIS is why I’m writing. I want to take this seriously, deeply and I want other people to take THIS seriously and for us to create something together. I don’t want to join anything or want to lead anything. I want us to start thinking together and talking together and changing together inside and out.
A few days ago in response to a conversation Tom Morley initiated I wrote:
“As an introvert I am pretty useless at the surface levels of conversation, gossip about people, talk about cars, sports, shopping etc but I do politics, philosophy and personal reflection whenever encouraged because that’s what’s going on inside. And therein lies the danger of the offered platform to the introvert – greater vulnerability to giving too much information and assuming intimacy than is, in actuallity, illusory.”
Tom suggested that my ‘Therein lies the danger of the offered platform to the introvert’ would be a ‘good subject for a talk/article’. I guess that this might be it.
The danger, of course, is that taking to the stage, I become tempted, compelled, to throw all my clothes off. This the danger of any public platform to at least this introvert. The warning signals comes up “stop you’re giving too much information”, “don’t give in to the temptation to throw your clothes off in public”. And yes I do stop, I have limits, but these limits, I think, exist because aspects of my life are not mine alone to share. Nevertheless the ‘stripping’, while not going the ‘Full Monty’ can be more revealing than is conventional or than is comfortable for me or for those to whom I am revealing myself.
Intense discomfort is the danger. But there are of course other dangers. It is one thing to open your mouth and be considered a fool … but one thing leads to another and it’s another thing to open our mouths and be considered a threat. One thing to take off our own clothes and another thing to point out that the emperor has no clothes. The story never told us what happened to the kid but I guess we know. If we don’t we haven’t been paying attention.
Getting naked on the stage risks our dignity and sometimes, in extremes, our lives but not dropping the clothes of our own pretentions and illusions and our collusions with naked lies risks the loss of any truth that may remain in us.