I Had Hair Then

The first picture shows me at the right end of the middle row. It is maybe 1970 or 1971. I am in the Sixth Form at Ernest Bevin Comprehensive School in Tooting.

The second picture shows me in late 1988 or 1989 since I’m with Daniel and he looks about a year old.

On Saturday I was looking through my papers and some old photos. Trying to file stuff but constantly being distracted, drawn into memories.

Some people say, very kindly I think, that I still look like I’m in my 30s but I don’t think so. The picture shows that I was much better looking in my 30s and had hair. Things started to go to pot-belly when I hit 40. Now I’m 59 and thinking back, I have not achieved what I wanted to achieve by this age. I did not want specific things; I wanted to be a better and more accomplished person. That sounds like regret but it is not, or if it is then it is very slight.

Last Friday I attended the funeral of a very accomplished Guyanese man, Dr Edward Simon, who seemed to have lived a long and exemplary life with great determination, dedication and discipline. These are qualities that I have lacked. However I am increasingly accepting where I am and I increasingly know who I am. I recognise the futility and fallacy of regret in a deep way.